When Peter Gabriel left Genesis I was very saddened. And I craved that they would get back together at some point and recreate that magic music from those first batch of albums. And even though I loved the next ten years of all their music, still, I would have loved to see them back together. Like the Beatles and hundreds of other bands who move on for whatever reason.
But I realize now that it wasn’t a Genesis reunion that I was craving, I discovered that it was my own youth. I craved the magic essence of my youth, the freedom to think and live without having to pay bills, without child support court cases and parents dying. I yearned for the beautiful summers that I wasn’t even conscious enough to know what they brought me. Genesis were all that to me. They weren’t a band. They were very essence of my youth.
And I realize now that even if Genesis got back together and recorded a new album it would never live up to my dream. Because I am not the same unblemished person that I was at age 12. That I’m older now, more cynical, more serious, stained, battered, beaten. And I would listen to their new music through those ears and not the non-judgemental ears of a 12 year old. I didn’t even know what eq was back then. I didn’t give a damn about kick drum sounds or guitar tone. I knew nothing of compression, arrangements, production and the hundreds of other ‘learned’ prison cells that have gotten in the way between me and the music. The sheer amount of filters that new music has to pass through for me to accept and enjoy is astounding. It’s not Genesis’ fault that I’m like that now. And yet somehow I seem to blame them for destroying my dreams. Like an angry child furious with my parents divorce.
And each new album that Genesis bring out I write it off as crap and not as good as it was. But how can new songs compete with old songs from my youth? Regardless of the music, those old Genesis albums have 50 years advantage on a new album. Steeped in Nostalgia, melancholy, the excitement of first girlfriends and boyfriends, the first time of everything. 1974 was the best times of my youth. I know those albums inside out, like they are my own. They feel like they are my own.
But my assessment of new music has got nothing to do with the music itself. My negative slant on new music has got everything to do with me and how my hope and optimism for life has depleted over the years. Those are the glasses that I use to look at modern music. Life depletes for all of us, that’s why we look back on youth with such sparkling eyes. We long for those early feeling tones to return. Hoping and waiting and comparing today with what we had back then. We have thought ourselves into prisons we didn’t know existed.
And so there’s old Peter, Phil, Steve, Mike and Tony innocently making new music and being excited about their latest projects like they should, and there’s me spitting insults in the background, full of poison and holding them responsible for the current state of my joy. They have become scapegoats for me to spew my bile on. Once the most brilliant and amazing ‘Gods’ from my youth, have become human, dropped from heaven like cheap stones. No longer capable of transforming my life. We always kill the redeemer. Jesus found that out pretty quickly. It’s never too long before those we set on a soap box will be viciously dragged down and punished.
The truth is that the summer of 1974 isn’t coming back. And that’s not the fault of Genesis. The real problem is me and my inability and reluctance to understand myself and what it is I feel I have lost by their separation. It’s my refusal to put the past in the past where it belongs and concentrate on creating a beautiful and exciting new future, to enjoy the world in all its glory as if Selling England By The Pound had just been released. That’s the key. And only I hold that power.
Genesis didn’t do anything wrong. It was me all along. Poisoning myself on a daily basis. Instead of embracing new music with the ears of an excited and open 12 years old I chose instead to sulk and blame and judge.
The past has gone. Today will become the past tomorrow and then I’ll pine for it. That seems like a recipe for misery. Isn’t it wiser to live for today? To look around and soak it all in. To try as hard as you can to create a beautiful life. To help others. To spend time with your children, family and friends. To create new music from your present perspective.
I just made a new album. I did the best I could. I loved making it. I can’t do any better than that right now. I didn’t make it ‘against’ anyone. It wasn’t a baton, bullet or a stick to beat anyone with. I was just doing what I’ve always done. I don’t know what else to do? It’s the only thing I’ve ever done. But like Genesis, I can’t bring back the beautiful summers of a bygone time. I can only remind you of the beautiful world in the hope you’ll realize, like me, there’s everything to live for and everything to explore before our time is done. Have a beautiful day.
I think nostalgia for music from my youth is something I’ve not experienced because I’m listening to a lot of the same music that I did in my teens and never stopped listening to or exploring music.
When you left IB, it wasn’t until the attempted reunion that I thought about the possibility of it. But in those intervening years you were still releasing music so that itch was scratched.
Discovering new artists, new music and new releases from artists who I’ve listened to for years still gets me excited. There”s so much joy in music, even if it’s nick cave lol.
I still walk in the same mountains that I did as a teen, yes life has changed I’m paying those bills, I’m a parent and going to be a grandparent but I still find joy in the same places., I’m not trying to relive my youth. My head still thinks I’m 16 and that or my stupid sense of humour will never change.
As I write this I’m minded of Max Erhman’s Desiderata, Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. But I see no purpose in surrendering what brings me joy.
I have a working knowledge of some of the mechanics of recording and the instrumental versions of Return to natural allow for a sneak peak behind the curtain, to be able to hear the intricacies and layers.
. So here’s what I’m wondering, and I think the same thing about actors does being a musician stop you enjoying new music? Does an actor stop enjoying movies because they can’t suspend the knowledge of how it works? Is it a busman’s holiday?
Do you focus on the creative process and the act of creation to give birth to your vision rather than the emotion it generates for the listener? Does that stop you moving beyond the nostalgia? In a way smaller scale I did dabble with drumming many years ago (I got to hit things) but after I stopped drumming it took me some time for me to hear the song and not tune it out and listen to the drums.
You’ve just released 3 stunning albums in quick succession, diverse but captivating. On return to natural it was lauded as your return to prog rock, but I don’t think you’ve ever stopped progressing. I think that’s one of the reasons our journey together is over 35 years old lol. If you had just gone out every year and did an it bites tour that’s nostalgia, reliving what was. You’ve reclaimed your IB legacy and created something new and amazing, a natural extension to the original 3 It Bites albums. You’ve created a contemporary IB album that evokes the same joy in me.
You should be proud.
Thank you Feargal. I think we create filters between us and the music. Back in the day when I was 12 years old listening to genesis for the first there was nothing in the way of me listening for how great it was. It seems that the more musical knowledge we get the more filters get in the way. I’m glad you like my new album. I really am. It means a lot.
I just wanted to commend you for an amazing album. I really do enjoy most of your musical iterations but I have often thought that you have not explored enough the great artistic output that comes out when you interact with a full band in sync with your ethos, like you have done in Return to Natural. Your guitar sings and communicates and interacts so well with other good musicians that it is a joy to behold when this happens, like it did on your last tour. The dialogue with Chad Wakerman was in itself worth the price of admission. Return to natural is full of musicality, amazing sounds, melodies, surprises. It is a beautiful journey. Thank you for brining enjoyment to us. Please, do not hesitate to play these amazing songs live in the future.
Thank you Ramon. I agree that something ‘better’ usually happens when we include others into the creative process. Chad is absolutely brilliant. I love playing with music with him. The drumming on the album is quite brilliant. Never more than 2 takes. It was something to behold.
Francis, I have to tell you that I had a similar feeling when you left IB in 1990! I remember sending a really stupid letter to Maggie at the Appreciation Society kind of ‘blaming’ the other three guys for letting it all go wrong. She put me right. In reality, my life was moving on too in 1990, just turning 18 years old, and I just couldn’t face the thought that nothing much would ever replicate the thrill of rushing out to buy ‘Still Too Young’ on 12″ on the day it was released, or marvelling at ‘OATW’ for the 50th time on my Walkman. And sod it, I really do think that was the ‘peak’ of my musical life and maybe the music business in general? Nothing much since has lived up to that. Anyway, loved the blog piece. Hope you write some more.
ha ha I understand matt. You have no idea how much I understand!